The violence we endure as women
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Paulina Ree
I repeatedly see how we women are subjected to violence and abusive behavior. It starts in subtle ways.
It is the way we are conditioned into becoming gentle and quiet, how much about our appearance and our beauty determines how we are treated. Our value is reduced to how we function under all the rules we are imposed to follow.
Regardless of where we are in the world, with some slight variations the expectations on women are similar, exacerbated by religion and economic situation, access to education, whether we belong to communities that have long been relegated and exploited, “pueblos originarios” and people from specific ethnic groups outside of being caucasian.
When we enter schools, the expectations become larger, a significant pressure to fit into what is expected for females, gentle behavior and submission, at home this also requires more involvement in the work at home, from cooking, to cleaning, to specific docile behavior.
I grew up under such circumstances and have now seen the difference clearly in the way my brother was raised, as well as all my male cousins. We were treated differently for as long as I can remember.
Fast forward to now, finding myself in Norway, and understanding that the laws that are so adamantly praised, making this an ideal place to be a “woman”, to raise a “family”, to live, are also challenging roads to navigate, especially as a foreigner, without the language skills to navigate the legal system, or the support network to carry you forward as you wait for what seems an endless process that must take place, so laws can be enforced.
Being considered a second class citizen during my childhood in Ecuador, was something I had to adapt to, simply because I was a female. Moving then to the USA, where I was considered a second class citizen because of my “race” was a difficult adjustment. Becoming a second class citizen, when I decided to become a stay at home mother to my children in Norway, was not something I could easily foresee or understand.
Immensely grateful for my resilience and strength, I am a warrior, given what I have had to live through since I moved away from my home country. I needed to write this entry, so that if you find yourself questioning what I am referring to here, you dig deeper into the experience of the people around you, because if you are in the privileged position where what I describe here is distant to you, or it does not resonate with you, you have work to do on your part, to make a difference. For all of us children and women who continue to endure conditions that supposedly the laws are meant to protect, but that without a legal fight it is nearly impossible to achieve.
I am not only tired of always needing to speak up, and take up the space that I deserve; more importantly to fight for my right to carve the life for myself and my children in a way that supports us all. I am also tired of all the lengthy process that drains us mothers and children, and I am also too fed up to pretend that it is all rosy and things are good when they are not.
My experience as a woman, of mixed race, in Norway, has become political when I no longer fit into the box that I have been put in. It does not matter whether I have higher education or not, what matters is that I am not conforming and that to find a way forward it is proving to be difficult.
What I ask as you read this, is to reflect on the experience that being a woman comes with, in particular with regards to expectations and to experiences. Too many of us become accustomed to verbal, psychological, at times physical and too often as well sexual abuse.
I have worked so hard to love my body for years, healing the trauma of too many voices that were comfortable to tell me that I needed to lose weight / go to the gym / exercise more. And the irony is that these voices are often from those closest to us, and the usual explanation is that it is not about how I look, it is about my health. My health will be fine as long as the abusive comments stop, and the stress around my weight ends. I point to this particular example, because it is one I repeatedly hear from other women in my circle. The beauty industry as well as the media is constantly exposing us to beauty standards that are simply unattainable for the large majority, unless you have endless money for medical procedures and / or chefs / dieticians / physical trainers and are willing to take on risky behavior to achieve a particular aesthetic.
Start raising voices around small comments that evolve into abusive behavior which in turn also can become violence against women.
Invitations to openings, secret events, and new works.